In Primary One, the best lessons were ‘story telling’ and ‘PE’. When we reached Primary Two, no more story telling – as some of the boys, especially Smart Ah Leck, were natural story tellers.

“What happened to your homework?” – My grandfather took it.

“Checking your homework?” – Nope, he used it for toilet paper.

“Why is your uniform filthy?” – The car splashed dirty water.

“But it is not raining!” – It splashed yesterday.

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*** Copyright @ Eric Alagan, 2011 ***

21 comments

    1. Hello Max,

      Wow! You actually followed the link here. It was one of my earlier posts that most current readers are unaware of.

      Yes, he is a prime candidate for politics. Mastered the art of saying plenty of nothing and yet came across as answering all the questions, while sneaking out the backdoor.

      Cheers, Eric 😀

  1. This is my favorite of the entire series!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have read it over several times and I laugh each and every time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    My favorite part:

    In Primary One, the best lessons were ‘story telling’ and ‘PE’. When we reached Primary Two, no more story telling – as some of the boys, especially Smart Ah Leck, were natural story tellers.

    “What happened to your homework?” – My grandfather took it.

    “Checking your homework?” – Nope, he used it for toilet paper.

    “Why is your uniform filthy?” – The car splashed dirty water.

    “But it is not raining!” – It splashed yesterday.

    “Why did you not have it washed?” – The car was too fast.

    “I meant your shirt!” – Oh, I could not.

    “Why not?” – The well ran dry.

    “But you said it rained yesterday.” – Yup.

    “So, there must be water in the well.” – There was.

    “So, why did not wash your shirt?” – After the rain, the well ran dry.

    “How come?” – All the people drained the well.

    “For washing clothes?” – Nope, for cooking and bathing.

    “Not for washing clothes?” – Nope, my mother said better to smell nice, than look nice but smell bad.

    “But you smell bad.” – Yup, because the car splashed dirty water on me.

    “But those are rounders’ ball stains.” – The car hit a basket of rounders’ balls, which fell into muddy water and bounced.

    “And what were you doing when all this was happening?” – I was running away.

    “Sigh! Where is your school fees?” – The Indian man in the tickam (game of chance) stall outside the school gate took it.

    “Is that why you are late, because you were playing tikam?” – Nope.

    “Then, why are you late for school?” – I lost my way.

    “Why did you ponteng (AWOL) yesterday?” – My uncle died.

    “I thought your uncle died last week.” – That was another uncle.

    “How many uncles do you have?” – Too many to count.

    “I want to speak to your father.” – You can’t, he went to China.

    “Hey, this is 1963 and Singaporeans are banned from travelling to China.” – I know, but they forgot to tell my father – he thinks it is 2011 and we are part of China.

    “Oh, when will he be back?” – Never. He is stuck in China.

    “I want to speak to your mother.” – You can’t, she ran off.

    “To China?” – Nope, after the postman.

    “Your mother ran away with the postman?!” – Nope, after the postman.

    “Please enlighten me.” – Okay.

    “Well?” – It ran dry.

    “I said well tell me about your mother and the postman.” – Oh that well. She ran after him.

    “I know that but why?” – He dropped a letter that he agreed to post for her.

    “He dropped a letter?” – Yup.

    “What letter?” – The one that my mother wrote.

    “To your father in China?” – Nope the one to you, to excuse me for yesterday.

    “So, where is the letter?” – I told you, he posted it to you.

    “Ok, but why is your trousers torn?” – Got hooked on the barbed wire.

    “What barbed wire?” – The one that surrounds my neighbour’s fruit trees.

    “What were you doing in among your neighbour’s fruit trees?” – Taking a short cut to school.

    “You sure you were not stealing fruits?” – Very sure.

    “How come you are so sure?” – Because I stole all the fruits last week.

    “Are you lying?” – Nope, I definitely stole last week.

    “Sigh! Are you lying to me about the short cut?” – Nope, you can ask my father.

    “You said he is in China.” – Yup, I know.

    “Trying to be clever?” – Nope, trying not to get caught lying.

    (Teacher enters Woodbridge – remember the mental hospital? Ghost Writer emails Eric: Dear Eric, buay tahan* I want more money for this project)

    *can’t take it anymore

    Oops, that was the entire story. Oh well. 🙂

    1. Okay, I appreciate this – but why reproduce the entire post? Am I missing something here 🙂

      Update:
      Oh okay – I see that you reblogged it on your blog. Many thanks 🙂 Hope your readers enjoy it.

      FYI, I had a hard time writing this as I kept bursting out into laughter 🙂

      1. I reposted the entire post because, I was telling you my favorite part of the story. Except, I LOVED THE ENTIRE STORY!! It was soooooooo funny that I couldn’t stop laughing!!!!!! I even sent it to one of my friends and she loved it too!

    1. Hello Tricia,

      Thank you for stopping by. Glad you loved it. The logic of childen never fails to amuse and sometimes drive me up the wall – but they always amaze me.

      I trawled a few pages of your blog and will be back. You’re one tough gal…if I may be allowed to say so.

    1. Only one? Your teacher was lucky. Usually, a bunch in each class – and they always end up sitting at the back of the class.

  2. Just like what I heard on Gold 90FM. Mark Richmond asked his teacher : “Ms …. will you punish me if I did not do something ? ” Teacher replied : “Of course not.” Mark asked again : “Are you very sure.” Teacher re-emphasized : “I am very sure.” Mark : “Well I didn’t do my homework.” Teacher : “Go stand against the wall in front !”. Can never have enough smart ah leck.

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