Caveat: One person’s opinion – will not work for all.

Helping your wife to bring your child into this world involves more than one day. It is much more than building tree houses five years too early, anxious pacing of corridors or clumsy attempts at home videos in the delivery ward.

Pregnancy is a magical and priceless journey. If it is your first, you will never ever experience that same depth of joy and thrill, I reckon. Even if you are a confirmed atheist – there will be moments during this journey when you catch glimpses of The Light.

That marvellous journey ought to start, at the very latest, when she first breaks the good news.

Be there, for her morning sickness, her crazy craving for strange food during even crazier hours of the day or night. Hold her hands during the pre-natal classes. Be gentle and loving, kind and considerate – she is the mother of your child, and she will make you a father.

Show her how much you love her. Whispering sweet nothings help but by themselves, mean very little. Wash and clean, and take out the rubbish – and, put down that toilet seat! It’s not a man-thing, it’s an inconsiderate slob-thing.

Do all of this and more – without being told.

Oh, one minor reminder, for minor it is and take this from me, the quintessential workaholic and darling of employers – your work can wait!

Show her your love.

Now is the time to show her what it means to be – her man!

(And for mama-dramas, before you see this as license to go overboard – wait until next Monday and read what it means to be – his woman!)

Heh! Heh! Heh!

************ Copyright @ Eric Alagan, 2014 ************

The Entomologist

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71 comments

  1. Eric dear, my hats off to you for being such a kind caring and loving husband. you are not only a loving husband but a very caring human being. God bless you and your family always. love, tanveer

  2. It was a magical time and those memories are tucked away in a special heart pocket. Thank you for the reminder my special buddy, huge hugs for you. <3 x

  3. Like this sentence, ‘quintessential workaholic and darling of employers – your work can wait..’ My relative, in fact, kept her son away from his wife during childbirth. She thought that he’d be scared of witnessing her pain.

    1. Hello Padmini,

      I believe among the more traditional Indian households there is much taboo about a man getting too “involved” in his wife’s childbirth – what with a phalanx of aunties and village busy-bodies. LOL!

      Yet, generally in the cities, Indian families are very modern and forward looking, I reckon.

      Peace,
      Eric

      1. Sadly, it also happens in cities…though not as much as in villages. but, if the man is present, he’d understand and appreciate the pain his wife is going through..

  4. Beautiful post Eric. Mine shared the morning sicknesses, at least what little of it I had, but couldn’t share my delivery. The hospital in our home town wouldn’t allow it those days! I suspected my grandmother of bribing them 😀

    1. Hello Madhu dear,

      Yes, in Singapore pre 1980s it was the not the done thing. It was not only the husbands who thought it was not required, but the nurses were a bunch of prudes. I recall that when I accompanied Lisa for her medical checks, the nurses frowned whenever I entered the consultation room. The (western trained) doctors encouraged couples to come together, but the nurses (all local trained) hinted very clearly that men were not allowed in. To their great consternation I used to ignore.

      Bribery would have helped – LOL!

      All good wishes,
      Eric

  5. Dear Eric,

    A very poignant, heartfelt post, my friend. If only more men dismissed the cultural nonsense of machismo and engaged more within their feminine side(yes, you lunkheads out there, you DO have a feminine side!) the world would be a much better place.

    I, too, echo your sentiments, of being their for your Beloved. My only regret is that I was not the one to hold my boys when they were born. (Thank you for the kind words pertaining to my ‘Birthday Boy’ post. I appreciate it immensely.)

    As you know, I have two stepsons, and I met the youngest when he was just two. I was on the cusp of changing his diaper but then he learned to go potty. I have never changed a diaper, and even that small contribution would have been at least something to hold dear to (mind you, away from my nose) and cherish those intimate moments with a child.

    Even though you are a workaholic, Mr. Alagan, I am quite certain that I can speak for all your loyal readers in saying that you are a kind and considerate man, one who, despite the many projects on hand and the myriad of other aspects of your life, you take the time to answer each and every reader who posts a comment your way. That speaks volumes as to what kind of thoughtful man you are.

    Your wife must indeed be elated to have someone like you in her life, as well as her to you. It sounds like a lovely union between two souls.

    Kudos to you for yet another wonderful piece, Eric. As evidenced by the comments, it struck a chord, even if it was not umbilical. : )

    Take care my friend, and warmest wishes to your and your family,
    Paul 🙂 🙂 🙂

    1. Dear Paul,

      As usual, you visit with pots of profuse compliments.

      Media presents almost everything in black and white, when reality is a gamut of greys. Sadly, most people due to time constraints or simple feebleness of mind, succumb to the stereotypes of what it is to be a man/father/husband and woman/mother/wife. Lisa and I help counsel couples. What we found was, most people are quick to embrace anything that puts their behaviour in a good light while simply ignoring all that which puts them in a bad light. Sad to say also, these losers, for that’s what they are, always have a tight coterie of like-minded clones who feed their approach and help break up families. At the end of the day, the man is financially broke as the ex gets half of everything (in Singapore – even if it is the woman who commits adultery and has a job) while the ex ends up (quite often) lonely bitter and in an old folks home. A bleak picture – yes, I know, most would rather prefer to imagine themselves as having a great time partying with new found partners and all. Of course, with age and wrinkles – the inevitable dump catches up.

      I do work long hours and even now, I average about 10 hours’ worth per day.

      However, I always set aside time for family, friends and hobbies. It’s called time management. Incidentally, in all three previous jobs working for employers – after I left, they had to employ three people to replace me. That is a fact I’m proud of – some say, my bosses had exploited me. But that implies I’m ignorant. The fact is, I enjoy my work and still do.

      Yes, Lisa and I have gone through quite a bit but never saw our relationship as special. With the benefit of hindsight, it is special, me thinks 🙂

      You’ve built a great family with your stepsons and their mother – and reading your words/posts, you’ve got something magical going. Congratulations and all the very best ahead.

      Catch up with you later and meanwhile, have a JD or two 🙂
      Eric

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